Denis Moore
The 7th Lemmings golf day took place at its usual venue of Hinksey Heights golf club on Saturday 27th September 2008. As usual there had been the customary debate about handicaps resulting in Chandler Junior so upset that he decided he didn’t want to play anymore and celebrated his girlfriend’s birthday instead. Defending champion Adam Petersen attempts to increase his handicap from the previous year were given short shrift by The Handicap Committee and went to the first tee with his tail between his legs, a handicap of 14 and virtually no chance of retaining his crown. As with the Augusta National, the Hinksey Heights greenkeepers tailor all their preparations of the course to this one event resulting in greens that were more treacherous than spending an hour on the M40 with Hully.
Mckechnie and Bell teed off on Friday in benign conditions and the 2003 champion McKechnie posted the clubhouse lead with a very respectable 32 points. In his post round interview (conducted by Pies from a watering hole in N1), McKechnie stated that the greens were “bloody impossible” and that “32 points won’t be enough, somebody will beat it”. Such pessimism should be commended. On the Saturday morning 12 Lemmings set out in far more difficult conditions than on the Friday. Pin positions had been altered and it was blowing a gale. It was Bluey Hukins who made the early running. Using his great-grandfather’s driver to tremendous effect, he tore up the front 9 with an excellent score of 17 points. Standing on the 10th tee, he remarked quite how nice it was to be in contention for the first time, how he always posted a much better score on the back 9 and how he knew he had what it takes to be number one. Sadly Bluey’s challenge went the same way as that of Hully on the Krypton Factor.
As the round progressed, it seemed that the fate of the trophy would be in the hands of Bingo Baker, the man who narrowly lost a play-off to 2006 champion Richardson. With Chandler having tied the clubhouse lead on 32, Baker stood on the last tee with 31 points and requiring only a 7 for the trophy. He found himself 5 feet away from the hole after 6 shots and despite taking a lifetime to look at it from all angles, his putt shaved the hole and he had to make do with 32 points and a share of the lead. Bingo took this setback pretty well, he doesn’t really care about golf you see. Bingo, McKechnie and Chandler were joined on 32 points by Pies who birdied the last with a tidy up and down in front of the massive gallery (Baker and the Hodges brothers) so the Lemmings golf day had resulted in a 4 way tie. Much flapping ensued but it was eventually decided that there would be an 18 hole play-off at a later date. All 4 players got their hands on the Denis Moore that evening and all had a sweet taste of Lambrini to enjoy their collective success.
A few weeks later, the date was set for the play-off. Unfortunately, a sudden outbreak of otters in the Oxfordshire area resulted in McKechnie being called away on a last minute hunt. This left Bingo, Pies and Chandler to do battle. Pies held a slight lead after 9 holes but Bingo surged ahead over the back 9 and as everybody stood on the 16th tee, Bingo had a 3 shot lead from Pies and a 4 shot lead from Chandler. Pies and Chandler both hit the green in 2 and looked certainties for 3 points wheras Bingo had left himself an impossible looking 5th shot from about 60 feet. As Bingo rolled his ball to a mere foot from the flag, a shot of sublime skill at this tense stage, Chandler summed up the mood of his playing partners by uttering a very loud “F*CK” that could be heard at St. Andrews. From there, Bingo cruised to victory and finally got the monkey off his back.On a personal note, it was an absolute pleasure to grind out 29 points in difficult conditions during the play-off and yet lose to a man who didn’t get the ball above knee high all day. There were three people out there and only two of them were playing golf.
For the full list of past winners, please click here.
